Shame and guilt are often used interchangeably, but they are distinct emotions with different effects on our behavior and mental health.
As an Executive Coach and Dare to Lead™️ facilitator, I talk about shame and guilt with my clients often. The Dare to Lead program is based on the professional research of Dr. Brené Brown who has extensively studied shame and guilt and their impact on human behavior.
Shame and Guilt Defined
Shame is an intensely painful emotion that arises from a deep sense of unworthiness or failure. It is often accompanied by feelings of humiliation, worthlessness, and self-loathing. Shame is a self-conscious emotion, meaning that it is focused on the self and how we perceive ourselves in relation to others. Shame can be triggered by a wide range of experiences, such as social rejection, criticism, or the perception of falling short of social norms.
Guilt, on the other hand, is a moral emotion that arises when we believe we have done something wrong or violated a moral standard. Guilt is an other-focused emotion, meaning that it is focused on how our actions affect others. Guilt can be a positive emotion if it motivates us to make amends and repair our relationships with others. However, excessive or chronic guilt can lead to negative outcomes such as anxiety, depression, and self-blame.
Effects on Behavior
Shame and guilt have different effects on our behavior. Shame often leads to avoidance and hiding behaviors. When we feel shame, we may withdraw from others and avoid situations that could trigger feelings of shame. We may also engage in self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse or self-harm as a way to cope with the pain of shame.
Guilt, on the other hand, often leads to reparative behaviors. When we feel guilt, we are motivated to make amends and repair the harm we have caused. We may apologize to those we have wronged, take steps to make things right, or engage in prosocial behaviors to balance out our actions.
Impact on Mental Health
Shame and guilt also have different impacts on our mental health. Shame is strongly associated with negative outcomes such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. When we feel shame, we are more likely to engage in negative self-talk and view ourselves in a negative light.
Guilt, on the other hand, can have positive or negative outcomes depending on how we respond to it. When we respond to guilt in a healthy way by taking responsibility for our actions and making amends, it can lead to feelings of empowerment and positive self-regard. However, chronic or excessive guilt can lead to negative outcomes such as anxiety, depression, and self-blame.
Coping with Shame and Guilt
If you are struggling with shame or guilt, these are four coping strategies that I often recommend to my clients:
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend who is struggling. Recognize that all humans make mistakes and that failure is a normal part of the learning process.
Cultivate resilience: Build your resilience by developing a growth mindset, focusing on your strengths, and practicing self-care.
Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals for support and guidance.
Practice vulnerability: Embrace vulnerability as a pathway to connection and authenticity. Share your struggles and challenges with others in a safe and supportive environment.
If you are coping with shame or guilt, know that you are not alone. I want to invite you to join me for the September cohort of Dare to Lead™ Virtual, and participate with a small group of like-minded, supportive, high-achieving women. We begin Thursday, September 7. There are a total of 8 sessions. We meet as a group on Thursdays from 8:30-11am CST on September 7, 14, 21, 28 and October 5, 12, 19 and 26. Also included are two private coaching calls and on your own assignments.
REMEMBER:
Is it time to improve leadership in your workplace?
Ready to get courageous, be brave, and be finished with shame?
Let's do this.
Comentarios